Finger Lickin’ Deathwish

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Everyone likes to disparage video games for corrupting children’s morality with all their violence and gore and sex and stuff, but games can do some good in the world too, y’know. Like in some of the later Legend of Zelda games: if you decide to harass a chicken, arguably one of the most defenseless creatures in the world, you’re not rewarded with seeing it explode into a tiny miasma of pixelated chicken gore. In fact, if you do it enough you get a multi-chicken beat down reminiscent of some of the harsher gang initiations we’ve heard of.That’s morality! Pick on the weak enough and eventually the weak will find enough of their friends to help them jack you up. And no matter how much might you have making you right, eventually everyone can be outnumbered and pecked to death.

Kids need lessons like that.

Wear this shirt: To the annual convention of people wearing video game-inspired t-shirts.

Don’t wear this shirt: If you think the guy’s name is Zelda.

This shirt tells the world: “Hey! Listen! Stay the f*&% away from those chickens!”

We call this color: Cluckin’ Kelly Green
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