AVARI Single Action Rower

Saturday, September 22, 2012

Captain’s Log, Day 17:

It is safe to say that the men are now entirely disenchanted with the voyage. And, honestly, I cannot blame them. We have been rowing for 17 days now, and our ship has yet to leave the beach.

So, that the men are wary is no surprise. It is their wild theories that concern me. For example, just this morning, I overheard Xavier saying that our ship, the AVARI Single Action Rower, is not a ship at all. He claimed that it is a piece of exercise equipment built for an efficient, effective, low-impact workout. The over-sized aluminum seat rail, the 12 levels of resistance, the multi-functional performance monitor – according to Xavier, it is all for the simple purpose of burning fat and calories.

I expected him to be laughed at, but no: the others listened to his nonsensical ramblings with genuine interest. Well, this would simply not do. I could not allow Xavier’s lunacy to infect the whole crew. So, I had him thrown overboard. Onto the sand. He screamed obscenities from where he lay for a few minutes, but eventually he lost interest, stood up, and went to find his car.

After he had disappeared for good, I assured the rest of the men that this is very much a ship because the box it came in said something about “rowing” and “rowing” is a ship term and no manufacturer would do something as confusing as use a ship term to describe a product that is not a ship.

I thought it was a pretty good speech, but it did not appear to ease their minds in the slightest. I fear a mutiny is coming.

In the box:

(1) Avari A350-600 Single Action Rower

Woot