Consider Yourself Warned

Friday, September 28, 2012

Listen, science isn’t all dinosaurs and laserbeams. Being a scientist takes hard work, attention to detail, and making imaginary women come to life with your computers.

Sure, people watch “Jurassic Park” and “Fringe” and think science is just this wacky institution. But they forget to watch “Honey I Shrunk The Kids” and “Weird Science,” in which they would learn that being a scientist isn’t all fun and games. It can also lead to unforeseen consequences when the ideal woman you created by feeding bits of magazine into your computer and having your house get struck by lightning doesn’t turn out to be so ideal after all. Plus, when you’re a scientist your meat-headed older brother played by Bill Paxton can be a real pain.

Science is serious business. Just ask any professional scientist who has ever turned a sports car into a time machine, stolen plutonian from a group of Libyan terrorists, and sent your teenage friend back to 1995 just as you are shot by the terrorists. It’s a job just like any other.

Wear this shirt: over your head during a science eclipse to avoid being blinded.

Don’t wear this shirt: near any science or it will melt.

This shirt tells the world: “We have a t-rex!”

We call this color: Super Sciency Slate

Woot