Sqwincher Steady Shot Energy Drink 12pk

Sunday, November 25, 2012

THE YEAR: 2007

THE PLACE: DR. THEODORE SQWINCH’S EXURBAN, RANCH-STYLE HOUSE

**BRRRRRZZZZTTTTZZZZZZZZZZ**

“Hello? Who’s there?”

“Dr. Sqwinch?”

“That’s me–who are you? What’s happening? How did you get in my bedroom?”

“Listen to me, Dr. Sqwinch: I am a time traveler from the future. I’ve been sent back to stop you from developing your Sqwincher Steady Shot Energy drink.”

“My…my whaaa?”

“I don’t have time. In two years you will create a formula for a drink that will boost energy without the usual crash.”

“I will? I have been tinkering with B-vitamins and orange flavor, but…”

“Yes, you will. And it will banish laziness from the world forever, Dr. Sqwinch.”

“But…but that sounds perfect.”

“It does, doesn’t it? And it did to so many of us. But you can’t imagine a life without laziness. No more wearing pajamas until 3pm on Sundays. No more Revenge marathons. No more Reddit. DO YOU HEAR ME, DAMMIT? I SAID NO MORE REDDIT!!”

“I understand. I will cease my research.”

“That’s not good enough, I’m afraid. I must end you, Dr. Sqwinch.”

“But…but…”

“Though now that I mention it, executing you sounds like a lot of work. OH GOD, I’VE BECOME LAZY! I need a Sqwincher, ASAP!”

“They don’t exist.”

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

*Percent Daily Values are based on a 2,000 calorie diet.

Other Ingredients: Filtered water, natural flavors, sucralose, acesulfame potassium, potassium sorbate, sodium benzoate.

Expiration Date: 06/15/13 or later

In the box:

(Your Choice of Flavor)

(12) Sqwincher 200500-OR Steady Shot Energy Drink, 2 fl. oz.

Woot