Westinghouse 10pc Solar Lighting Set

Sunday, February 10, 2013

Behold, Apollo! It is I, your loyalest priestess! Clad only in these white robes, I ascend towards your splendor, and lift my arms to welcome your light across my- oh, for crying out loud! Someone put the 10 piece Westinghouse Outdoor Solar Lighting Set in front of my altar to the sun god again! The NERVE!

Look, I didn’t quit my dead-end job on the edge of the Hollywood film industry to spend the day worshiping these black finished stainless steel beauties. I learned all that ancient Greek for one reason only: to summon the sun god Apollo! Handsome, Greek, rides a sky chariot, hangs out on top of a mountain? That’s the kind of fella a girl like me NEEDS if a girl like me wants to get a sweet deal on her own reality TV show.

“The Life Of Ra-lee” I’ll call it, because, if you don’t know, Ra and Apollo are basically the same person. Well, I mean, as far as mythical people go they’re the same person. Both of them do stuff with the sun, I think. Look, it doesn’t matter, if everybody down at the diner can spend my entire shift talking about “Ron Mexico” then SURELY they’ll talk about “Ra Apollo” and his girlfriend, Lee JUST AS MUCH, right?

Well, yes, I AM aware my name’s currently Stacey, just like I’m aware the lights include one AA battery as a power backup. But just as the 10 piece Westinghouse Outdoor Solar Lighting Set can turn sunshine into a soft white light to illuminate your yard, deck or driveway, so too will I transform myself into the majestic Lee Apollo, the most lovely wife a sun god, nay, the world! has ever seen. And then I’ll steal the nation’s heart with a few bats of my eyelashes. This time next year, Ra-Lee will be as popular as TomKat! Brangelenia! Bennifer! Kimye!

Or at least, we will be if I can ever meet Apollo in person and make him fall in love with me. And THIS is why it’s so important people stop using this 10 piece Westinghouse Outdoor Solar Lighting Set around me. IF I CAN’T TELL THE DIFFERENCE I DON’T KNOW WHEN TO START TO PRETEND I’M CHARMING!

See that it doesn’t happen again, thank you.

 In the Box:

(1) Westinghouse 400079-08 10-pc (8+2) Solar Light Set includes:

• (8) Pathway Lights
• (2) Spotlights

Woot