Schwinn 420 Elliptical

Saturday, April 6, 2013

Use this: because going for walks outside is, like, what prehistoric people did. Gross! 

Don’t use this: if you’re going to make silly jokes about the number in the product’s name. WE’RE ALL ADULTS HERE! JEEZ!

This just posted on Facebook: “Checked my integrated heart rate monitor and it looks like I’m pumping pure Tiger Blood. #Schwinning! :D”

At the local watering hole, this would order: something that could fit into its bottle holder. What do you mean that doesn’t narrow it down enough? 

Archie Tinker, rodeo cowboy, describes how to best wrangle this product: “What’n we gat’ere is one’a’em silly still-movin’ devices, which’n’s to say a thing that believes it’n’s movin’ without actually doin’ nonesuch thing. So’s the wranglin’s easy, long’s you can ov’come the psych’lology o’ropin’ somethin’ tha’thinks it can go-go, when’n in all actuals it ain’t got no capac’ty. ‘Most brung a tear t’my eye jus’ thunkin’ pon’it. YEEEEEE-HHHHAAAAAWWWWW!”   

Owner’s Manual

In the box:

(1) Schwinn 420 Elliptical Bike

Woot