Apple iPad 64GB – Wi-Fi + 3G (Gen 1) – $489.99

Monday, May 30, 2011

Here’s The Beef

After the iPad, the world needs more tablet computers like it needs more “I’m a Mac”/”I’m a PC” parodies.

iPad: Hi. I’m an iPad.

Sol: And I’m a little solar-powered pocket calculator.

iPad: I’m available refurbished right now on Woot for an unprecedented low price.

Sol: I’m available for free when you open a passbook account at Community Fiduciary Bank in Haney, Iowa.

iPad: Free? Wow. Do you have anything like my 9.7” HD Multi-Touch display?

Sol: Uh, no. Just eight dark gray characters on a lighter gray background.

iPad: Oh, well, who cares about eye candy? It’s all about performance these days. Like, I’m sure people can use you to do things like browse the web, watch movies, read ebooks, and use thousands of apps from the App Store, right?

Sol: No. But I can add.

iPad: Well. Uh, you know. Adding is important.

Sol: Yeah. I can also subtract, multiply, and, if it’s a really sunny day, divide.

iPad: Nothing wrong with keeping it simple. Like, I’m packing 64GB of storage space myself, but since so many of the files are things like HD movies and work applications, that capacity gets used up quicker than you think. But with basic data like simple math, I guess you must be able to fit a lot of that stuff in your storage space.

Sol: I’m sorry, what do you mean by “storage”?

iPad: Oh. Wow. Gosh. Sorry. I forget what it must be like to be so inferi-

Sol: STOP! STOP! That’s it. I can’t do this. George? George? Where’s George? I’m out, George. I’m done. Can’t do it anymore.

iPad: Yes, George, can you get over here and discipline the supporting talent, please? I’m an iPad and I won’t work like this.

George: Sol, Sol, what’s the problem?

Sol: The problem? My pride is the problem. I can’t do these commercials anymore. I have to play the idiot while he sits there smirking about his Wi-Fi and his 3G. Aren’t you above this, iPad? Are you really so needy that you have to pick on easy targets just to make yourself feel better?

iPad: Please.

Sol: Maybe you’re a little touchy about being a refurbished version of the previous generation. Not the fair-haired boy around town anymore, huh?

iPad: You shut your filthy mouth.

Sol: Well, find yourself another whipping bag. Because I’m not doing it anymore. It, it offends my dignity as a giveaway promotional solar-powered calculator.

George: Sol, come on, it’s a character. You’re just doing a bit here. You know, Lou Costello never complained about being the boob, the imbecile, the semiliterate numbskull, the feeble-minded bumbler, the hopelessly inferior nebbish who can never do anything right.

Sol: Well, now I feel better. Look, I was born to do two things: perform basic mathematical calculations and spread the word about Community Fiduciary Bank. Taking his abuse was not in my specs.

George: It’s a living, is all I’m saying. You can’t take it home with you at night.

iPad: Um, excuse me? May I? I know you two would have no way of knowing this, but stars like me don’t have time to waste on people like you. I’m supposed to meet Helen Mirren and ?uestlove at that new waffle truck. If I’m late, Questo will eat all the lemongrass & black truffle ones. And I don’t intend to let that happen. So either we finish shooting this spot right now or you can both explain to your employers, or managers, or whoever why you got thrown off a shoot with an iPad. What’ll it be?

George: OK, let’s pick it up where we left off. Rolling.

Sol: I’m sorry, what do you mean by “storage”?

Authorized for SquareTrade Extended Warranty

Warranty: 90 Day Woot Limited Warranty

Condition: Refurbished

Features:

• A design that’s thin, light, and brilliant. iPad has a 9.7-inch, high-resolution LED-backlit IPS display and incredible Multi-Touch capability. Yet it’s thin and light enough to take anywhere
• The best way to experience the web, email, photos, and video. Page through websites, write an email, flick through photos, or watch a movie with just the touch of a finger
• Thousands of apps made just for iPad. With more coming every day. Right now you can discover over a thousand apps on the App Store made just for iPad — with more coming every day. And if that’s not enough, you can also run almost 200,000 iPhone apps

Technical Specifications:

System Requirements:

Additional Photos:

• Bottom Profile
• Top Right Profile
• Top Left Profile
• Left Profile with SIM Card Slot Closed
• SIM Card Slot Open with Removal Tool
• Back
• Fine Print on Back

In the box:

• Refurbished Apple iPad 64GB – Wi-Fi + 3G (1st Gen)
• Dock Connector to USB Cable
• 10W USB Power Adapter
• SIM eject tool
• Documentation

Woot! – One Day, One Deal