Bag of Crap – $3.00
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Bag O’ Crap LXVI: Crap Rage
Let’s drop the charade. Nobody reading this got a Bag O’ Crap. So, to the rest of you, let’s talk.
You’re disappointed, we know. We don’t exactly understand, but it’s not like that’s the only mystery of the human heart we’ve failed to plumb. Maybe it’ll help to hear this:
You won. Whether the fault lies with our servers (it doesn’t), with crap-nabbing ‘bots (we don’t think so), or with the fickle lotto-ball of fate (bingo), the result is the same: they traded money (worth something) for crap (worth nothing). Of all the things they could’ve done with that money, of all the possibilities they had to choose from, the one they settled on was “pay Woot to send me some crud they swept off of the warehouse floor.”
You won.
Now stop sending us the death threats, OK?
THE HOLY CRAP COMMANDMENTS v3.0
I. Thou shalt expect nothing beyond ONE bag of some kind and THREE crappy items.
II. Thou shalt not whine and complain when some people’s crap turns out to be nicer than yours.
III. Thou shalt take a moment to consider whether you might be better off just not buying this crap.
IV. Thou shalt not expect better crap just because things are different this time. Crap is crap.
V. To paraphrase Stephen Stills, shalt thou not get the crap you want, want the crap you get.
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