Dyson DC28 Animal Upright Vacuum – $299.99
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
In Plain Upright
Just like this vacuum, turning state’s evidence can totally suck.
First of all, I just want to tell you how much I admire your bravery. Betraying the city’s biggest crime boss, turning over all of his secret documents, revealing the locations of all his criminal operations, agreeing to testify against him in court, AND impregnating his daughter without the intention of marrying her? That takes guts. Well, that or you’re just incredibly stupid.
Now I don’t want you worrying about the enormous bounty you may have heard about. Yes, your old boss has offered two million bucks to the guy who puts a bullet through your skull, but that’s not going to happen. We in the Witness Protection Program have been doing this a long time. You’ll be well hidden, I assure you. Your secret will be safe with us.
I’m gonna level with you, though: We’re running a little low on new identities this month. Again, nothing to worry about, as long as you cooperate.
Now then, your new identity will be that of a Dyson DC28 Animal Upright Vacuum. You are full-sized, powerful, bagless, and made specifically for homes where a family may have pets. You are versatile thanks to Airmuscle™ technology that can precisely adjust to clean every floor type, and have also been certified asthma & allergy friendly™ by the Asthma and Allergy Foundation of America.
To make the transition really work, we’re going to have to give you a crash course in Root Cyclone™ Patented technology so you don’t lose suction. Your enemies will be looking high and low for you. One slip up, one 0.5 microns particle missed, and the whole charade ends, got that? You’ll be given several attachments, as well, including a Flat Out Head, Mini Turbine Head, a couple on-board tools. Oh, and if anyone asks, yes, you are refurbished due to an minor accident a few months ago, but you’re all fixed up and ready to start sucking again.
I know this is a lot to take in all at once, so I’m going to leave you alone with this user’s manual so you can get acquainted with your new life. I’ll just be in the next room making a phone call to no one in particular about how best to invest two millions dollars. Like I said, nothing to worry about.
Authorized for SquareTrade Extended Warranty
Warranty: 6 Month Dyson
Condition: Refurbished
Features:
- Full-size and powerful bagless upright vacuum for homes with pets
- Airmuscle™ technology precisely adjusts the cleaner head to clean every floor type thoroughly
- Root Cyclone™ Patented technology that doesn’t lose suction power as you vacuum
- Mini turbine head removes dirt and pet hair from carpets, upholstery and tight spaces
- Fingertip controls automatically adjusts (or de-activates) the brush bar for different floor types using a powered cam. No bending down. No awkward dials
- Lifetime washable HEPA filter traps microscopic allergens
- Dyson cyclones can capture particles down to 0.5 microns – including pollen, mold and bacteria
- This vacuum is certified asthma & allergy friendly™ by the Asthma and Allergy Foundation of America
Attachments Included:
- Flat Out Head – Articulates for effective pick-up, and is especially handy for cleaning under low furniture and household appliances
- Mini Turbine Head – Removes pet hair and dirt from confined spaces such as upholstery, stairs, and the car and quickly attaches to the hose or wand
- On Board Tools:
– Combination Accessory – Debris nozzle converts to a brush tool for dusting
– Stair Tool – A Dyson-designed tool for removing dust and dirt from stairs and stair carpets
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Additional Photos:
- Dyson DC28 Animal Upright Vacuum
- Fingertip Controls
- Roller Brush Bar and Tilt Point
- Washable HEPA Filter
- Package Contents
- Packaging
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Technical Specifications:
- Patented cyclone technology: Root Cyclone™ technology
- Suction power: 245 Air Watts (constant)
- Movement type: Fixed wheel
- Filter: Lifetime washable HEPA filter
- Brushbar control type: Fingertip controls
- Cleaner head / Floor tool: Motorized brushbar
- Stair cleaning: Quick-draw Telescope Reach™ wand
- Bin capacity: 0.61 gallons
- Dimensions: 42.1”H x 13.5”W x 14.3”D
- Max. reach: 52.2 ft
- Cord length: 35.2 ft
- Weight: 20.61 lbs
In the box:
- (1) Dyson DC28 Animal Upright Vacuum
- Flat Out Head
- Mini Turbine Head
- On Board Tools:
– Combination Accessory
– Stair Tool - User Guides
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