Emerson Ice Maker

Thursday, January 24, 2013

Sent: January 24, 2013
To: Staff
Cc: Admin
Subject: Ice thief

To the asshat who keeps pilfering my ice:

STOP IT! IT IS NOT YOUR ICE! I purchased that bag of ice for my own personal use, as management has repeatedly refused my request for a freestanding, portable ice maker such as the Emerson IM90 for the office.

If you are confused as to whether or not the ice in the lower, left-hand drawer of the freezer is “community ice”, let me assure you, it is not. I wrote my name on it. That means it’s mine. So if you see a bag of ice labeled “Ronnie’s Ice”, DO NOT USE IT!

It would be great if management would buck up for an ice maker that produces 26 pounds of bullet-shaped ice in 24 hours with a low-noise, high-efficiency compressor for quiet use. But until then, I suggest you bring your own bag of ice AND STOP USING MINE!

And while we’re on the subject, I suggest you also bring your own lunch. Joke’s on you, though. That tuna fish sandwich was three weeks old.

Warmest Regards,

Ronnie from Accounting

In the box:

(1) Emerson IM90 Portable Ice Maker includes:

• Ice Scoop
• Ice Basket
• Owner’s Manual

Woot