Fiskars Deluxe Telescoping Weeder

Friday, August 24, 2012

You think just because you’re all puffy and fluffy and adorable, you think you can just waltz in here and take over? Think you can spread your seeds on the breeze and dig those roots into my freshly groomed lawn? Because I’ve got news for you, dandelion: you’re no flower. You’re just a weed. A weed that’s about to meet a Fiskars Deluxe Weeder.

Because I know what you want, dandelion. You want me to dump chemicals all over my nice, green lawn. You want me to give up, and poison the home where my pets and children play. That’s what you think you’ll do, isn’t it, dandelion? Operation: Scorched Earth! Victim: Me!

So get ready to face the stainless steel claws of my Fiskars Deluxe Weeder here. It goes deep into that soil, where your roots are hiding. I don’t even have to bend, thanks to the extra-long handle. Just a step on the foot platform and it’s maximum force into the tough soil where you like to hide. Here, I’ll show you what’s coming… ta da! My first victim. Oh, was that your best friend, dandelion? Was it? Because now you know that I MEAN BUSINESS!

No, dandelion. I’m not doing anything today. I want you to sit there, and think about what’s coming. Because those roots are a double-edged sword, aren’t they, dandelion? Now that I have my Fiskars Deluxe Weeder… I’m not stuck here with you. You’re stuck here… with me.

Hang on, dandelion, my wife is coming. Act cool, she told me to stop threatening the weeds before I pulled them. Don’t give me away and maybe I’ll kill you last. Honey! Hi! So lovely to see you out there! Just doing a little gardening with my Fiskars Deluxe Weeder! A little quiet, peaceful, not-threatening-anybody gardening!

In the Box:

• (1) Fiskars 1399 Deluxe Telescoping Weeder

Woot