Full Coverage

Monday, July 16, 2012

“Thank you for calling Kaiser Mushroomamente, this is Candace, can I help you?”

“Hi-a Candace, it’s-a me, Mario!”

“Okay Mario, can I have your last name please?”

“Mario.”

“Okay, Mr. Mario, what can I do for you?”

“I’m a-calling because I got this letter in-a the mail saying I’ve-a been denied coverage due to a pre-existing condition!”

“Okay, one second. Was this for your medical mushroom prescriptions?”

“No, this was-a the surgery I had on the sixth.””Ah, okay Mr. Mario, I show that procedure was not covered under your existing policy.”

“I know-a that already, that’s why I’m-a calling!”

“Okay, well what can I help you with?”

“I want to know-a why it wasn’t covered!”

“Okay Mr. Mario, I’m showing that your policy does not cover Bullet Bill injuries.”

“How can that be? What-a the hell am I-a paying for, then?”

“Well, sir, all I can tell you is that your policy wouldn’t cover this procedure.”

“I would have-a never gone to world 7-1 if I’d known that!”

“I understand, sir. I’m sorry. Is there anything else I can help you with?”

“This is going to bankrupt me! I don’t have that kind of coin lying around! What-a am I supposed to do?”

“Well, sir, I can transfer you to our Accounts Receivable department and they can try to work with you on an affordable repayment schedule with the hospital.”

“You can’t-a get blood from a fire flower, lady!”

“Okay sir, I’m sorry I couldn’t help you further. Thanks for calling.”

Wear this shirt: To the hospital. The nurses will get a kick out of it while they patch up your broken head.

Don’t wear this shirt: While negotiating a settlement with the hospital.

This shirt tells the world: “You think you want socialized medicine? See how it’s working out for the Mushroom Kingdom.”

We call this color: Aetna Blacklisted me.
Woot