Hamster of Dooom
Thursday, December 6, 2012
“Hey.”
“Hey.”
“Oh, hey”
“Oh, hi there.”
“Hi.”
“Whatcha doing?”
“Smelling.”
“OK.”
“Eating.”
“Cool.”
“Chewing up Kleenex to make a nest for myself.”
“Awesome.”
“What about you?”
“What?”
“Oh, hi.”
“Hi, I remember you. Ummmm, I’m just, you know, going to go over here and — ow.”
“What?”
“I donno. I ran into something invisible when I tried to run over there. Maybe if I try again — ow.”
“I’m gonna run.”
“OK.”
“On this thing.”
SQUEAK SQUEAK SQUEAK
“OK, done running, what next?”
“What?”
“What?”
“Do I remember you? Let me smell you. Oh yeah, you’re my brother. OK.”
“Want to curl up with me while I sleep?”
“Sure, will it be warm?”
“Yeah.”
“Do you smell something in here?”
“Wood chips?”
“Yeah!”
“Urine?”
“Yeah!”
“Who are you? Let me smell you.”
Wear this shirt: despite its depiction of massive loss of life.
Don’t wear this shirt: when it starts smelling like hamster.
This shirt tells the world: “Soon you shall be crushed under my iron paw!”
We call this color: Nate Silver Should Have Warned Us About This
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