I’m A Humanatarian

Friday, July 13, 2012

How’d I make it? Oh, it’s simple. You just have to get the right mix, you know? You want a wide variety of textures, shapes, sizes, personalities, all that stuff.

Wait, did I say “personalities”? Ha! Whoops, I meant… um… “nutty-ness.” Because after all, we’re talking about nuts here.

Anyway, freshness is another key factor. You don’t want your nuts just sitting around for a while, getting stale. No, you wanna chop them up as soon as you bring them home from the asylum!

Because, you know, oftentimes, asylums buy too many nuts. And they need to wholesale them out. To people like me. That’s what I meant there.

But really, it all comes down the presentation. You gotta sell it, you know? Add some mystery. Like, you wanna say, “Try my party mix! It’s got super secret special ingredients.” You shouldn’t just come right out and say, “Try my party mix! It’s made out of people!”

Hmm… no way of backing out of that one, huh?

Wear this shirt: if you’re tired of big brands cannibalizing the very idea of snack food!

Don’t wear this shirt: to a vegan retreat in the mountains.

This shirt tells the world: “Eat me. Or better yet. Get eaten by me.”

We call this color: brown-haired is my favorite flavor

Woot