Invicta Russian Diver Skeleton Watch

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

As an Atlantean Sorcerer, I’m constantly being tasked to raise skeletons from the dead. Nothing serious, of course, I only use them as cannon fodder to weaken that accursed barbarian and his friends as they attempt to siege the tower in which my people stored all their remaining lore.

But, as I repeated the process again and again, I found myself wondering… couldn’t there be a better way? That’s why I invested in Invicta Russian Diver Skeleton Watches for all my mystically powered warriors. Now, instead of animating skeletons right before they’re needed, I can just zap up a bunch of ’em in my spare time, hand out lovely watches that are water resistant to more than 150 feet, and say “Meet me at the gate when the little hand is on the two and the big hand is on the six.” Then I get a good night’s sleep while still knowing my skeletons will be at the battle in the nick of time! What a labor saving tool!

But that’s not all. The Invicta Russian Diver Skeleton Watch makes my boney battalions so attractive that they’re welcome in places they never were before. Instead of seeing leaders cower in fear, they come out to greet them! “Ho, skeletons! Where did you get those watches!” I have to admit, it’s much easier to conquer a city with honey than it is with vinegar. Even though there aren’t any bees in Atlantis any more. There was this little thing with a flood and… no, no, it’s okay. You didn’t know. And it was ages ago, I’m over it, really.

Just remember: in today’s world an enchanted hourglass won’t cut it any more. If you’re using unspeakable powers to tamper in God’s domain, you’re gonna need an Invicta Russian Diver Skeleton Watch for every one of your inhuman minions. Otherwise, you might as well just hand your treasure to the bandit horde and send the roc back to its nest in shame!

In the box:

(Your Choice of Style)

(1) Invicta Russian Diver Skeleton Watch

Woot