iRobot Roomba 530 Robotic Vacuum – $159.99

Saturday, May 26, 2012

The Man Was Book Smart, But Maybe Not So Street Smart

The New First Law Of Robotics: Humans should always have more fun than robots.

Yes, Uncle Isaac, you were a genius. But you were also around in a time when people thought the paddle-ball was a suitable way to spend an afternoon. So let’s maybe think about what robots we have today, and then do a little 21st Century revision, okay?

For example: the iRobot Roomba 530 Robotic Vacuum really doesn’t need the first law the way it’s written. Like, yes, it’s not a bad idea to have the “don’t injure a human” part up front, but the “through inaction” part? The only time an iRobot Roomba 530 Robotic Vacuum is inactive is when it’s charging in the included Home Base. Any other time it’s either sucking down dirt and pollen and filth or on patrol for the same. Why do we need to double up?

And the third law, about “protecting its own existence” and all that? Well, that’s a little too broad for the iRobot Roomba 530 Robotic Vacuum. Like, it’s small enough to fit under the couch, but there might be spiders under the couch, right? What if the iRobot Roomba 530 Robotic Vacuum decides it wants to be scared of spiders? Hey, lots of people are scared of spiders on the Internet. Someone out there probably just passed out because they read the word spiders. So that part there needs a little trim.

Not to mention, the way you’ve written these things… okay, well, you were a good guy and everything, but it’s like you want robots for friends or something! Where’s the rule that says “the iRobot Roomba 530 Robotic Vacuum can’t walk out and play ping-pong for six hours because the human’s having a dinner party and needs the fast counter-rotating brushes hard at work on the carpet or wooden floors”? Isaac, you really missed the boat on this.

So, today, in honor of the iRobot Roomba 530 Robotic Vacuum, may we present… the New Modified Three Laws Of Robotics.

1: The iRobot Roomba 530 Robotic Vacuum can’t go out and have fun unless it’s finished sucking everything on the floor into its bagless bin.
2: If, at any time, a human yells “Sweet Jumpin’ Yosemite, you stupid robot, not the baby!” the iRobot Roomba 530 Robotic Vacuum must immediately stop what it is doing and return to the charging base.
3: The iRobot Roomba 530 Robotic Vacuum should probably stop thinking about philosophy and big questions regarding the nature of sentience and just maybe Spot Clean the dirty areas a bit more, k? Leave the deep thoughts to the humans.

And there you go! All set! With these new three laws, robots are 100% guaranteed to do the jobs they were created to do, by which we mean “all the things humans hate.” Don’t bother to thank us, Isaac. It’s just our little gift to the world.

*Rule Two has not yet been installed into the iRobot Roomba 530 Robotic Vacuum’s memory, please use with caution around the baby

Authorized for SquareTrade Extended Warranty

Warranty: 90 Day iRobot

Condition: Refurbished

Features:

• Efficiently vacuums dirt, debris, pet hair, dust, allergens and more from carpets and hard floors
• Counter rotating Bristle Brush and Beater Brush work together like a dustpan and broom
• Sturdy Bristle Brush digs deep into carpet fibers to grab dirt, debris, pet hair and more
• Powerful vacuum sucks large and small debris into the large, bag-less bin
• Fine filter traps dust, pollen and tiny particulate inside the bin
• Cleans the whole floor, under and around furniture, into corners and along wall edges
• Detects dirtier areas and spends more time cleaning them
• Spot Clean provides quick clean-up of spills and concentrated messes
• Automatically senses and avoids stairs and other drop-offs
• Simple operation—just press the Clean button and Roomba does the rest
• Automatically returns to its self-charging Home Base® to dock and recharge between cleanings
• Faster counter-rotating brushes with improved design pick up more hair and debris and are easier to remove and clean
• Improved filter captures more dust and allergens while a larger bin holds more debris
• Improved anti-tangle technology keeps Roomba from getting stuck on cords, carpet fringe and tassels
• Improved sidebrush makes Roomba even more efficient at cleaning edges and corners

Additional Photos:

• Underbelly
• In Home Base with Virtual Wall
• Virtual Wall
• Package Contents
  

In the box:

• (1) iRobot Roomba 530
• (1) Virtual Wall 
• (1) Self-charging Home Base
• (1) Power Supply (3 hour charge time)
• (1) Rechargeable Battery
• (1) Filter

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