James Cameron Goes Deep
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Along with several other millionaires and billionaires, director James Cameron is building a tiny, ridiculously expensive submarine (or submersible) to explore an area of perpetual darkness in the western Pacific known as the “Challenger Deep.” He claims that this is just a fun adventure and has nothing to do with any sort of blockbuster-in-the-making. But through sources I can’t reveal, I actually got ahold of his to-do list for the journey, and I’m not so sure I believe him. Take a look and decide for yourself:
- Build submersible with very limited oxygen supply (dramatic exit?)
- Hold meeting where I am told submersible is not ready due to unexpected issues
- Stubbornly yell, “To hell with your issues!”
- Break into lab in middle of night
- Board submersible and prepare for descent (against orders = ominous music!)
- Go into Challenger Deep and find never-before-discovered species of sea creature
- Sea creatures should probably look like people, just enough so it’s not so weird when I fall in love with one (forehead prostheses: too Trek?)
- Girl sea creatures should probably have breasts or breast-like appendages, so it’s not so weird when I get busy with one
- Girl sea creature that I get busy with with: trapped in loveless marriage? Arranged to be married to jerk sea creature? Expert martial artist jerk sea creature? (underwater fighting = automatic slow motion!!!)
- Defeat sea creature husband/fiancé in grimly ironic manner (avalanche? oxygen tank? stuffing gills with fistfuls of soil? gun?)
- Ending option 1: Grow gills and stay forever in land untouched by humanity (Thing to consider: guy with gills already done in Waterworld. Forever a step behind you, Costner!!!)
- Ending option 2: Don’t grow gills, remember oxygen thing with submersible, say good-bye to sexy sea creature of my dreams, and try to make it back to the surface
- Die? (Depends on whether sad ending seems right or not – feel it out when time comes)
Photo by Flickr user shansby. Used under a Creative Commons License.
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