Noooo Claaaass: Woot Weads The Wire
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Every week in this space, we’ll take a look at the news and offer our own incisive blend of commentary, analysis, and poop jokes. The news you need, from a voice you can trust, in the 90 seconds you have to spare: that’s Woot Weads the Wire.
PERTH, Australia (Reuters) – Dolphins in one western Australian population have been observed holding a large conch shell in their beaks and using it to shake a fish into their mouths — and the behavior may be spreading.
Anthropologists were quick to reassure the human race that they have nothing to worry about, but did suggest maybe polluting the oceans a little bit extra juuuust to be sure.
WASHINGTON (UPI) — A new millionaires’ tax rate U.S. President Barack Obama is to propose Monday amounts to “class warfare” that will hurt the economy, several Republicans said.
White House insiders hint the president has contacted Russell from Fat Albert, hoping his junkyard wit will reassure the nation that the plan is just like school in summer.
WASHINGTON (UPI) — A large satellite as big as a bus will fall to Earth this week but NASA scientists say they aren’t sure which day or where it will hit.
Scientists then knocked over America’s favorite vase while noting how accidents tend to happen when NASA’s funding gets cut.
TAIPEI, Taiwan (UPI) — A world record for the most people playing the violin together has been claimed by 4,645 elementary and junior high school students in Taiwan, organizers say.
A student nearby, who had just been complaining about something minor, called them all jerks and walked away in a huff.
POINT BREEZE, Pa. (UPI) — A Pennsylvania man said he was shocked when a high school student showed up at his front door and presented him with a ring he lost nearly 40 years ago.
Sources say the entire event is just a metaphor for World War One.
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