Oodles of Noodles

Sunday, July 15, 2012

People are always worried about pandas, like they deserve any kind of special treatment. Psh. Here’s how dumb pandas are: they only eat bamboo. Bamboo has, like, ZERO nutritional value! Isn’t that stupid?! Can you imagine how dumb a species would have to be to just spend all day continuously chowing down on unhealthy, non-nutritious food just because that’s the stuff that tastes good? I mean, you’d pretty much be obligated to let them go extinct, right?And they’re still so fat! They eat so much junk bamboo that they get fat even though they’re getting no vitamins and nutrients! They get so fat and unhealthy that they lose all interest in sex, so people trying to breed them have to try and get them excited to mate, and most of the time it doesn’t even work!

Imagine being so fat and malnourished that a stranger had to show you tapes of other pandas doing it to try and get you worked up enough to try yourself. Wouldn’t you just beg to be put out of your miserable existence?

Thank goodness us humans don’t have to worry about crap like that.

Wear this shirt: To that great little ramen shop down on 34th.

Don’t wear this shirt: To your paleo diet support group.

This shirt tells the world: It looks like that panda is- Oh god, can’t unsee!”

We call this color: Black and white and sauce all over.
Woot