Screaming Monkey with Woot Cape

Friday, July 15, 2011

Take a good long look, Cincinnati.

This is the last time you’ll ever see me in this uniform.

Look, I’ve had a good run here. We’ve won some divisional titles, made the playoffs a couple of times, and I can look back on my performance here with pride. But it’s time for me to move on. I just feel like the team is moving in a different direction, and the tightwad idiot in charge who’s hellbent on running this whole thing into the ground owner doesn’t seem too concerned with it.

So I’m bowing out. If they won’t trade me, I’ll retire. I hate to get all “take my ball and go home” with you guys, but I’ve made more than enough money as a flying monkey in this organization and I want a real opportunity to win, otherwise I’m willing to start the next phase of my life.

Warranty: None!

Features:

• Slingshot-like rubber arms
• Professed 50-foot flight range
• Majestic cape features equally majestic Woot logo
• Screams like the souls of the damned stretching on the racks of Hades

In the box:

• Screaming Monkey with Bengal Tiger Cape

Woot! – One Day, One Deal