Strawberry Mob Layer 23: Woot Weads The Wire
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Every week in this space, we’ll take a look at the news and offer our own incisive blend of commentary, analysis, and poop jokes. The news you need, from a voice you can trust, in the 90 seconds you have to spare: that’s Woot Weads the Wire.
NAPLES, Italy (UPI) — A Neapolitan organized crime boss, one of Italy’s most feared gangsters, was captured Wednesday, authorities said.
As expected, police arrived too late for any of the chocolate part.
LONDON (UPI) — A 16-year-old British boy became the youngest person to scale the “Seven Summits,” finishing with a climb of Mount Everest, officials said.
But mountaineering experts say the hardest part of his journey is still to come, the moment when the boy must convince his teacher to accept a note reading “Please excuse my son’s absence, he was scaling Mount Everest.”
DES MOINES, Iowa (UPI) — A film lauding Sarah Palin will open next month in Iowa theaters in another sign that the former Alaska governor may jump into the presidential race.
Fans say they’re just happy to FINALLY be learning what “Super 8” is about.
BRADFORD, England (UPI) — Scientists say a group of people interred in the chapel of a Scottish castle in the Middle Ages had suffered horrendous injuries, possibly caused by catapults.
Based on these findings, historians are already beginning to speculate on the location of what they call “The Jackass Tapestry”.
WEST SACRAMENTO, Calif. (UPI) — Going for charity over shock, the flamboyant band Kiss toned down its act somewhat for a California benefit, bassist Gene Simmons said.
Songs included “Rock and Roll Until A Reasonable Hour”, “Christine Nineteen” and “Shout It Using Your Inside Voice”.
NASSJO, Sweden (UPI) — A Swedish homeowner called police to extract a beaver that had wandered into his garage.
Sources say that by nightfall the homeowner had also complained about a plumber come to lay pipe, a pizza boy trying to deliver an large sausage topping, a persistent deliveryman hoping to unload his package, and that somebody at the porn studio next door kept giving out the wrong address.
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