The United States of Songs: Maryland
Friday, September 30, 2011
I’m back! Sorry for the week off, but I was busy trying not to die of heat exhaustion at an outdoor wedding in the hills of Texas. But the United States of Songs wait for no one, so I’m back in action this week with the Old Line State.
The state: Maryland
The song: “Maryland, My Maryland” by James Ryder Randall, as performed by Ernie Ford
I’ve been to Maryland, but I don’t remember much. In fact, here’s the most vivid memory of Maryland I have: my eighth grade class took a field trip to the East coast to absorb various historical sites, stopping in Philadelphia, Baltimore, Washington DC, and New York City. We were divvied up into easily-chaperoned groups of five or six and assigned two parents each, except in Baltimore where one of the dads carting us around got sick and spent the day at the hotel. The remaining chaperone, whose kid was in my group, ditched us and took his son to a Hooters. I remember thinking, at the tender age of 12, “Okay, sure, Hooters has boobs, but come ON guys: the aquarium!” I still associate watching beluga whales with feeling rejected.
But yeah, Maryland.
Search for songs about the state and you’re going to be absolutely overrun with results for Vonda Shepard’s song of the same name, because it apparently played on an episode of the hit TV show Ally McBeal. But you know what? That song is terrible. It’s empty, sappy, and instantly dated. That ain’t Maryland. Besides, if we’re going for something from the screen or stage, it’s got to include Hairspray. Unfortunately though, it seems Vonda Shepard started a trend. Almost every song I could find with “Maryland” in the title was some slow, “adult-contemporary” riff with a husky voice crooning over some acoustic guitars and piano twinkling. Blech.
So when in doubt, go with a classic! Yeah, it’s kind of cheating since it’s the state song and all, but if you’re looking for a song that pays tribute to an entire state, not just one region or feature, it’s hard to do better. And okay, I gave Kentucky a lot of what turned out to be un-justified crap about their Confederate Flag Wavers, and this is a poem calling for Maryland to fight the Union and secede with the Confederacy, but this was a different time. And nowhere was Bill Watterson’s Calvin depicted urinating on anything in a pick-up truck’s rear window.
So why hang on to a relic of a pretty terrible time in our nation’s history? So as not to forget, obviously. President Lincoln called for troops to defend the capital, and on their way through Confederate-leaning Baltimore, MD they sparked the Baltimore riots and the first bloodshed of the Civil War. So while the parts about Lincoln being a despot might not hold up today, the imagery of bright and strong shields and refusing to cower in dust still stir enough emotion that the United States Naval Academy men’s glee club sings it.
Why mess with a proven winner? Enjoy your song, Maryland. But feel free to commission some new artists to help bury your shameful past with Vonda Shepard.
Runner-up: ”Going to Maryland“ by The Mountain Goats
Most Laughable Suggestion: ”Maryland“ by Vonda Shepard. Seriously.
You know the drill: let us know your pick for the song that best describes Maryland, and submit your faves for next week’s state: Massachusetts!
Flickr photo Baltimore Oriole by Clinton Little used under a Creative Commons License.
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