Woot Watches Wideos: Scott Lydon’s Top Five Scary Movies
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Deck the halls with bones and blood, see? It’s the season for scares, so our Woot Writers will be spending the week running down their top Scary Movies so you can check out, judge, and berate them as horribly inadequate. Yesterday was Randy‘s shot, and today is Scott’s turn! Come inside and see what he chose after Randy said he couldn’t use Alien.
(and as a word of warning, we did our best to find non-offensive YouTube videos, but these are horror movies so watch out for scary images and/or NSFW language.)
Horror’s a very poorly handled genre, in my opinion, because most of it could easily fit into something else. Stuff like Friday the 13th is more action movie, and stuff like Nosferatu has fallen into art-school territory. Horror movies these days seem to be split between tween-friendly Goosebumps-style timekillers or self-involved reference fests (and don’t get me started on zombies). Nevertheless, there are a few movies I can think of that show off what the idea of a “horror movie” can be.
Curse Of The Werewolf (1961)
Now forget all that stuff I said above, okay? Because old Hammer Horror movies make me giddy as a little schoolgirl locked in a sparkly vampire’s basement. Give me a rainy afternoon and something like Vampire Circus and you’ve completely made my day. This is why Curse Of The Werewolf is one of my favorite horror movies ever.
First of all, it stars Oliver Reed, who basically was a werewolf in real life. You may recall Reed died at age sixty one, while filming Gladiator, after a night of hard drinking and beating five sailors in a wrestling match. This intensity comes out as he plays young Leon, who is doomed before he even appears in the movie. It’s incredibly rare for a werewolf movie to start before the main character’s conception, and to save the main character for the start of the second act, but it all pays off, and what you get is a movie that seems more like a campfire tale than a chance to show off the effects budget. Minimal scares, maximal enjoyment.
Black Christmas (1974)
Keir Dullea from 2001: A Space Odyssey. Olivia Hussy from Romeo & Juliet. Andrea Martin who’d soon be from SCTV. Margot Kidder before Superman. It takes place on Christmas break, sure, but this star-packed completely ridiculous horror movie… well, it’s hard to describe, because I don’t want to give too much away. Essentially there’s a crazy man, and he’s making prank phone calls to the young girls at night while they prepare for Christmas. During the day, though, you get about a million subplots and red herrings about who the crazy man really is, all of which get weirder and weirder until you learn what’s really going on. Don’t bother with the remake, and don’t go looking for a summary on Wikipedia. Just accept that the original Black Christmas is a treasure in the world of 70s horror, and you need to experience it at least once in your life.
Poltergeist (1982)
If you’re of a certain age, you know the whole deal. Everybody in this movie died, except Craig T. Nelson, who did Coach, which was a fate worse than death. And everyone who saw the movie died, or is going to die one day. In fact, now that you’ve read this paragraph, you’re also going to die. Sorry about that. But before you go, be sure to check out this very-80s horror nightmare.
Yes, the credits say Tobe Hooper, but Spielberg’s all over this thing, and it’s easy to see the reason why. In 1982’s E.T., Spielberg told the story of an angel redeeming a young child who’s lost his family. In the simultaneously filmed Poltergeist, we see the demons which can rip a family apart. Shocks are slow but amazing, and almost every scare has become iconic. This is the 80s horror film, and it translated a deep fear hidden in every thirty-something Boomer parent: that maybe the TV was actually raising their children.
Ringu (1998)
Just before homemade sex tapes and file sharing blew up, Japan brought us this story of a young ghost who hunted from VCR to VCR. It’s been remade in American, sure, but if you can handle the subtitles, the original has the best scares. Today something like this would probably be played for laughs, or maybe set up to make a point about the Internet. But in 1998, there was no Wikileaks, and no Anonymous, and the idea that information could be deadly… well, it wasn’t unheard of, but it certainly wasn’t common. And what other horror movie this side of Videodrome has ever created its own highbrow art movie? By the way, it’s cool if you watch that cursed video I just linked. You already have the Poltergeist curse, remember?
Brotherhood of the Wolf (2001)
The legend says the Beast of Gévaudan stalked the mountains of France. The movie says it was a cover up, and two knights hunted and killed this monster. It goes without saying that the Matrix-style martial arts are not part of traditional French warfare, but for you guys who can’t stand the idea of watching Oliver Reed agonize over his inner pain, Brotherhood of the Wolf is a fun action-heavy monster hunt, mixing just enough history with just enough crazy double-crosses. And anyway, Randy did Alien yesterday, so I had to come up with something.
Which do you agree with? Which just make you mad? Shout out with your own list in the comments and then be sure to check back tomorrow, when our next Woot Writer offers up an different five selections for your judgment.
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